How not take things personally?
Hi everyone, Today we are going to play a Hockey match. But it should be fair, respectful, and positive. Is that okay, everyone?
Cool, GoodLuck!
Two years ago, I decided I wanted to become a hockey referee. Not because of the money though, I only got 20,000 rupees per match. So I won’t really get rich by it, will I?
No. I decided to become a referee for two other reasons.
First thing, I wanted to stay in good shape.
Second thing, I wanted to learn how not to take things personally.
I can know what you’re thinking. Being a referee is a good way to avoid taking things personally.
Because the spectators(crowd) hardly ever shout encouraging or positive things.
Can you imagine what they shout?
“You are looser,”
“You are worthless,”
I’m the victim as a referee. Apparently, I’m always wrong, and it is always my fault. Why want to be a referee?
“Because I really struggle with this.”
For example, I learn slowly because I try to learn the concept by applying every fact I learned before. When the teacher asks why you are learning too slow, feel ashamed. When other children look at me and smiling, I take it personally.
I know I shouldn’t, but it just happens.
Can you understand what I mean?
Or someone rejects me.
I get the feeling that I’m not important enough. Again, I take it personally, even professionally.
And more importantly, I have a strategy to deal with it.
Cool, I think even you also get things personally, right?
Imagine You worked hard on an exam, .but you only get low marks. You invite a girl for lunch. She rejected it, But you see a picture on social media of her having dinner with some friends that very night!
You are trying to tell this terrible experience, but no one listens carefully.
Now, who would take one of these situations personally?
Lots of you, right?
Probably you think it's another person's fault. They should have deserved the blame for this.
Who says that which part of you speaking?
Our ego thinks that others should consider us. Our ego doesn’t want to be criticized. Hell no!
Ego wants to acknowledge always “I'm right.”
That is very harmful. It’ll drain your energy. When my ego takes over, I’m fighting all day. I’m talking to myself and in an endless struggle. Would it be so much easier if you didn’t get things personally?
Yes, no one drains you no one beaten you. You will be set free.
All the world becomes peaceful, and you will feel calmer.
SO, the question is,
DO YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY OR RIGHT?
You will probably say, ‘i want to be happy.’
So, Let’s start the match,
So as a referee, I brought my coin for the toss, and every coin has two sides: heads or tails. Both sides stand for two strategies.
If it's head, First strategy — It’s not about me. I need to shift my focus from “me” to “we,”
while I have decided a penalty on the field, players are not satisfied with the decision. They ask me why that happened and why you gave that. I think this is not my problem. This is their problem because each team needs to win the match. The intention of themself leads to this appeal. So I change my focus to me to we.
Before the match, I practice these pep talks to think like 2 hours a week. It helps me to think like this in the match.
If its tails, The second strategy — It’s about me. I need to talk to someone regarding this calmly.
While I have decided it’s a goal on the field and imagine it's a critical decision to the match. And we are in the last minute of the last game, and both teams are tied. I have made the wrong decision. After everything, most people would have blamed me. You’re selfish. It’s something I can’t bear, and you’re a traitor.
And that’s the moment to give yourself some empathy. So, I accept it, and it gets personal. Then, I need to talk to someone regarding this calmly. You can calm yourself by telling what you feel without blaming the other one, and you increase the chance that the other one will understand you.
So these are the strategies that I follow. Only if you do this possible, you test out these two strategies.
Remember, people will crumple you up with their words, spit you out or even walk all over you. Whatever if they do or say, you will always keep your value.
Thank you!.
